massaging your skull…

To get into the groove for her upcoming 40th birthday, coffeesister went and got her hair done (she’s partial to purple, btw) and she had some tats thrown on while she was at it.

I think she looks smashing!

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Jerry has left us.

I didn’t know him well, except through his blog.  I have a cat who keeps up on twitter, but Jerry was the only dog I knew who blogged.

His blog is something else.  It’s not only about his people, Jim and Rene, and his daily life, but it’s also about courage.  Jerry had cancer.  He talked about it openly and honestly.  He complained when it hurt and shared his joy and love of life when things were going well.  He was a helluva typist for only having one leg up front!

We met him once, coffeesister and I.  He brought his people here to visit us and we talked and shared some cool stories with each other while Jerry set about to bravely rid our neighborhood of vicious fronds that had fallen from the palm trees.  He’d grab one after first skillfully tracking it down, and give it a violent twist to make sure it was completely immobilized.  Then he’d deliver it to his dad, Jim, who’d just suddenly throw it out into the middle of the field again!  Silly human!  Now Jerry had to go retrieve it all over again!

When will that man learn?

The three of them traveled in a pick-up truck pulling a 5th wheel trailer.  When not blogging, Jerry navigated from his station behind the driver’s seat.  He saw more of the United States in his ten years than I’ve seen in my almost fifty.

Recently, the cancer got bad.  It’d been in hibernation for a while, resting up for a final onslaught.  This gave my friend Jerry a chance to get out and enjoy life to the fullest.  He played and laughed and barked and ran — as much as his three legs would allow — while keeping a watchful eye out for those evil palm fronds or pine cones, depending on where the three of them were at the moment.

Oh, and he loved.  Yes, a dog can love.  There’s no doubt about that when you have one of your own, and he’s allowed to do his job.

I have a sneaking suspicion that at least portions of Jerry’s blog were ghost-written by Jim and Rene.  So I beg indulgence here, and ask that I be allowed to practice the same technique as I relay a message from Jerry to his “pawrents” — it’s a message that they’d never say for themselves.

Hello mom and dad!  I want to thank you for all that you’ve done for me.  I want to thank you for loving me, and taking care of me.  I know that many people do not care about animals as much as you, and it’s sad that your kind is rare.  I know how blessed I was to be able to be with you for the time that I had been given.

You gave me the best in medical care, and you sacrificed so much of yourselves for my happiness!  I know you’re not looking for any kind of reward because you’re not those kind of people, but please let me just point out that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.  Others have seen your character — your absolute devotion — and others have been inspired.  By loving me wholly, you’ve helped others to love in turn.  It spreads like crazy!

We’ll see one another again.  Just keep loving, okay?  You’ll be so practiced at it by the time you get here, you’ll be perfect.  Oh, and guess what?  This place has full hookups and it’s all free!  You won’t have to run the generator!  I’ve already staked out a spot, and that’s where you’ll find me.  You’ll know it — there’s an ocean on one side and beautiful mountains on the other.  The trout in the river that runs into the ocean are so fat and slow, they practically jump out of the water and right into my mouth!  And best of all, mom and dad.. I can run so fast I’m a blur!

Take your time in getting here.  I can wait because time isn’t even the same.  I’ll see you before I know it.  You’ll see me in many, many of your years.

Patience, my pawrents.

Jerry will be missed but he’ll also be cherished.  I understand that his blog will live on.  Please read, and understand and grow — find inspiration.  I did.

Godspeed, my friend.. and great big hugs to Jim and Rene.  We love you.

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Okay, so I have to say that I am SO not down with this whole SEO thing (Sex Engine Orgasm) and I know I’ve ranted about it before, but my latest find not only takes the cake, but eats it too and then barfs it out later all over my nice new shoes.

See, I use Google Analytics to keep track of activity on this blog, and Google Analytics is the perfect snitch - it tells me anything I need to know.  I wish I’d had Google Analytics in high school, to keep track of girls.

But never mind that.  I’m just getting SO TIRED of horny morons looking for “Iranian Hookers” or whatever, and visiting my blog for about three seconds because I did a stupid post a few friggin’ months ago where I talked about two Iranian girls who were guests at the hotel where I work, who just happened to dress like hookers.

I see visits to that post every day.  They never last more than five seconds, because horny morons aren’t interested in humor, so once they realize they aren’t going to get pictures of Iranian hookers or phone numbers or instructions or something, they bounce, leaving behind stats on my Google Analytics.

Yesterday was the one that made me pull out a clump of my hair, and trust me.. I can’t afford to be doing that sort of thing at my age, and it hurt.  Someone had actually Googled the entire phrase, “sexy videos of prostitutes in short skirts” and Google somehow sent them to The RhodesTer Chroncles.

I decided to do a little investigating, so I typed that phrase into my own Google search window and you know what?  This blog came up SEVENTH on the list!  ABOVE the fold!

SEVENTH!

WTF???

(NOTE- Since posting this, that same phrase now returns this blog in the # 1 AND #2 position.  *groan*)

Let me state right here and now, for the sake of readers such as my mother-in-law Phyllis, and that coffeesister person, and my vast array of female readers (all 4 of you) that I have NEVER, EVER posted videos of sexy prostitutes in short skirts to this blog.

The Google page points you to the Iranian hooker post (of course), but here’s what it says..

Sweet! Sexy! Iranian Hookers! — The RhodesTer Chronicles
- Oct 1
In short, short skirts with high-heel boots and fishnets? With overdone make-up and …. Or add a Video Comment. with. Seesmic Logo. « Back to text comment …
rhodester.net/sweet-sexy-iranian-hookers - 34k - Cached - Similar pages - Note this

I’m just describing what those girls were wearing!  And the video reference is because you can leave video comments on this blog!  (Did you know that, by the way?)  There are NO PICTURES OR VIDEOS OF SEXY IRANIAN HOOKERS!

The only conclusion that I can come to through all of this, is that despite ten years of development and billions of dollars earned and invested, that GOOGLE IS DUMBER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS.

NO.. make that SEXY, IRANIAN HAMMERS.

Geez Louise.

A Google scientist proudly displays the brand new search engine optimizer, built entirely from washing machine parts and the stuff left to them when Uncle Pat died.

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