The Weirdest Directions I Ever Gave


Back when I worked as a security officer in Hollywood once upon a time, I told a kid that he had to stop skateboarding in our loading dock, so he asked me if there was a skate park he could go to instead.

I told him to walk through the complex out onto Hollywood Boulevard, turn right and proceed about 100 feet to the front of the Chinese Theater, where he’d see Crocodile Dundee, whom he should ask because if anyone would know it would be him.

This was because Crocodile Dundee wasn’t the real Crocodile Dundee, as in actor Paul Hogan, but rather he was a guy named Don (something.. I can’t remember his last name) who’d been a professional skateboarder.

He’d given up the sport after a knee injury and then started hustling tourists on Hollywood Boulevard because Superman said that he looked like Crocodile Dundee and that he’d make a killing out there. They would all pose for photos with the tourists, who would tip them generously.

This took place at the Hollywood & Highland complex, and I knew Superman because he was our neighbor. I knew Don (something) because Superman had introduced us and it was he who told me that Don (something) had been a pro skateboarder.

On the day I directed the kid, I’d been making rounds earlier and I saw the whole gang – Superman, Batman, Elmo, Wonder Woman, AND Crocodile Dundee – out there hustling for tips so, when I went back to the loading dock and found the kid skateboarding, it was Don (something) – aka Crocodile Dundee – who I thought of when asked for a skate park.

The kid looked at me like I’d just suggested that he put on a dress, rent a donkey and go for a ride down the boulevard, but I guess he went and found Don (something) because I saw him coming through the complex several hours later and, when I asked him if he’d found him okay, the kid excitedly replied..
“Dude, that was DON (SOMETHING), and he used to skate, man! I totally knew him! He autographed my board, dude! And yeah, he directed me to a rippin’ skatepark! Thanks!”
I was pleased as punch that it had all worked out.

Later, a guy asked me if I knew where he could buy some good weed.

I directed him to Superman (something).


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